We Need Even More Money In Politics!

            It seems that too many of us wee folk of the 99% are a little too prone this election season to bellyache about all the big money in politics.

            We wring our hands with worry about the Citizens United decision by five justices of the Supreme Court, and the tsunami of unmarked bills it has released into the political equation.  We fret constantly about the millions and millions we know big time polluters like the Koch Brothers and gambling mogul Sheldon Adelson and others pump into a seemingly corrupt system.  And whatever astronomical sums the super PAC’s and corporations dump into the business of elections, well, those amounts seem so otherworldly that they boggle the mind.

            When we little people see this incredible infusion of money into the political process, sometimes we even go so far as to accuse the much maligned, “trickle-down” plutocrats of actually buying elections.  Can you believe that?

            Why, they’d never stoop so low – and we can prove it.  The fat cats are smarter than that!  Smartness, in fact, is one reason these top hats of society have so much money after all.  And in America, it’s accepted as a given that having so much money makes them that much smarter than all of us bottom-feeding bootlickers.  So, obviously, they’ve got to be smarter than to be blatantly buying elections, eh?

            Naturally enough then, the question arises as to what the rich and refulgent are doing with all that money they infuse into the electoral process?  What the heck are they actually buying?

            The most immediate reply might be that all the money from those of smarts and substance goes to buying ads, political ads for candidates they support, candidates that serve the interests of those supremely smart at the top of the heap.

            So is that buying an election?  Absolutely not: at the top of the pyramid, with all that money, we assume you have to be smarter than that.  What these wealthy and wise wizards are doing is buying smart ads.  And what kind of ads do most of them seem to be?  Well, they’re negative ads, of course.

            But why negative ads?  Those don’t seem so smart.  Very simply though, it’s because they work.  So if they work – even if they’re essentially stupid ads with narration as phony as the tone is desperate, and with background music that would have trouble finding a place in a third-rate horror film – these negative ads are only smart because they work.

            When all those smart guys are spending all that dough on all those stupid, but smart, negative ads – are they then directly buying our votes and thus buying the elections?  It might be hard to believe, but the moneyed and magnificent at the top are even smarter than that!  The bottom line: before they can have our vote, they first have to buy our stupidity.

            And even if there’s plenty of it – it doesn’t come cheap.

            Still, this bears repeating: anyone can have our vote in America but, first and foremost, they have to buy our stupidity above all else.  Not only do they have to buy our stupidity, but they have to authentically promote the stupid as well.  We like that crap, and fortunately it doesn’t have to be dumbed down because we’re already there.  In fact, we love our stupidity so much that – we need even more money in politics!

            Napoleon Bonaparte said, “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”

            And we Americans aren’t about to disagree.  We love taking sucker punches and getting kissed on the cheek while a dagger is twisting between our shoulder blades.

            There’s no way us good citizen voters would be alarmed or shocked as when Richard Ford wrote in “The Sportsman”, “People surprise you, Frank, with just how fuckin stupid they are.

            Nope, there’s nothing unexpected in store when it comes to stupidity and us Americans.  As for Will Rogers, when he said, “If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can’t get us out?” – all we need reply is, “we don’t want out, Will!”  It’s that plain and simple . . . and stupid.

            We Americans cherish the stupid in ourselves and especially in others.  So bring it on, you rich heartless greedy bastards!  We love being manipulated and conned.  Give us ever more misquotes and distortions, out-of-context sound bites and disinformation.  If you can buy my stupidity, you can willingly have my vote.  And then it’ll translate for all you smart guys with the money into an elected official that’s your patsy – and stupidity wins again!  But that’s okay, because more than anything else, we Americans like a winner!

            Of course, one side has an unfair yet clear lead in the stupidity vote quest, for they have a built-in constituency.  It is for these avid and astute ad addicts that the clever and cunning donators of dollars perpetually reinforce, promote, and celebrate stupidity – as much as they buy it anew.  You know whom I’m talking about; they’re all around us.  At one moment they might be denying climate change or promoting “legitimate rape”; at the next they’re getting a tongue lashing from formerly mild-mannered Bill Nye the Science Guy when he talks about how Creationists are, “misleading their kids.”

            But this is America, Bill!  And those fellow buffoons were “created” to be a built-in, self-sustaining, stupid constituency.  So despite your moaning and groaning about the intelligence of future generations Mr. Nye, take a moment to cherish what we’ve got.  Like: stupidity, here and now.

            Further, whatever you do aspiring Science Guys and Gals, turn a deaf ear as well to the likes of Christopher Hitchens when he says, “We keep on being told that religion, whatever its imperfections, at least instills morality.  On every side, there is conclusive evidence that the contrary is the case and that faith causes people to be more mean, more selfish, and perhaps above all, more stupid.

            Get with it, Chris Hitch – the cash is really what it’s all about, and the more cash, the more stupid we can put on display!

            Personally, I stand beside Santosh Kalwar when he said, in “Quote Me Everyday”: “Come on, gentlemen; let us drink to our stupidity.”

            Naturally though, in our quest to purchase so much stupid that it transposes into votes, there will be a few bumps in the road.  Occasionally you run into a George Carlin type that mildly professes, “You’re just another American who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day.  The owners of this country know the truth . . . it’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!

            Of course, George isn’t around anymore.  But if he were, we Americans would have to respond that – well – that’s how we like it.  That’s how we take it.

            Or we could be comfortable in reply with what another George said, this being George Bernard Shaw: “I have defined the hundred percent American as ninety-nine percent idiot.

            There we go!  That’s soothing enough!

            Face it: we Americans are proud of our stupidity and there’s no way enough money can ever go into politics!  We’re not about to register a passing thought on how we’re cooking up the planet enough to kill off our species, or that men have been brutally dominating and exploiting women for millennia, or that apathy and ignorance are bigger problems than all the money the smart guys could ever inject into politics.

            We don’t even care if some silly comic strip named Pogo had it right, or wrong, when it said, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

            More apt for us perhaps: “We have met our friend and, stupid, he is us.”

            Another bottom line: we Americans require and desire the stupid.  So, all you smart rich guys, keep the big money pouring in!  Drown us in your negative ads, for even if we complain, we can’t get enough!  Only a month remains until the elections, so shove it down our stupid throats!

            As H.L. Mencken said, “No one ever went broke underestimating the American middle class.”  And we’re surely not about to prove him wrong!

            We need even more money in politics!

            “Can’t you see that I’m only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?” said Titus Petronius Niger.

            But like Sherrilyn Kenyon in “Infinity”, “Far be it from me to ever let my common sense get in the way of my stupidity.  I say we press on.”

            Admittedly, however, in the end, the only regret amidst all this stupid praise is, as Oscar Wilde stated, “Irony is wasted on the stupid.”